My crazy insane ramblings...

11:29AM - Boredom and That Sexy Guy

Hey people,

What has been up with me? Well nothing as of late, I was supposed to hang out with Rochelle today but couldn't because the shitty bus people said i have to have parent permission for a bus pass and since Rochelle's bus driver is a fucker, I couldnt go home with her. I doubt that I will do anything with Alie today, even though Hunter is grounded, she was going to hang out with him, and I'm not about to be second friend or whatever. You get what I mean? She hangs out with him a lot and if she doesnt want to hang out with me, all that much then i understand, ih ave been neglecting my other friends a wee bit....:D I'm trying to think of someone I like at school..well there are a couple of guys I like, but no girls as of now. I havent found anyone who could really capture my attention, Heh the previous entry stated I have a crush, yes I know and I must apologize for the confusion, I do NOT have a crush on her or anything, in that form, i merely like her...just eh...not like that. heh. Friends, friends, friends, yes! I do like this one chick at school still....but not as much as i used to..so yeah. Im not with that girl that i, kinda was, she got a girlfriend T_T which was very depressing..but thats life. Anyways I'm bored and I'm going to post some NEW, YES NEW MATERIAL OF MINE PEOPLE

 

With Only Shadows To Fear  (For her)

The Hate I feel for you

Is never going to end

You tell me you love me

But then your lover, you defend

You told me you wanted to be with me

But then ran off to him

And so I’m left here cutting

As the blood flows, the lights dim

I awaken in my bed

And see you sitting there

The dull pounding in my head

Gives me quite a scare

You plead your lies

Of loving me

And I turn to you

I can no longer see

Why did I love you once?

And care about you more than any other

You were merely a child

And I was cast the role of your mother

I tell you, “Quiet”

And at me you stare

I shrug my shoulders and say “Leave”

I no longer care

You walk out, away from me

And from my darkened window

I can see (….)

You walking into your lovers embrace

And out slips a tear

I’m left alone, with no one to love

Standing at my darkened widow, with only shadows to fear.

Someone Who Loves You

These feelings for you

Are so very new

And leads me to wonder

Can you feel them too?

Does your heart skip a beat

When your name leaves my lips?

Does my mere presence

Seem to heal your hearts tears and rips?

Does my warm embrace

Make you feel safe and sound ?

And does the world seem dimmer

Just because I’m not around?

Do your lips long to meet mine?

And do your hands long to hold mine?

Do you dream of me all the time?

Can you even imagine these feelings

Feel the way that I do?

The only one who understands

Is someone who loves you

As much as I do

 

Sunset

How can you miss

Something that’s not even there?

How can you say I love you

When you really don’t care

How can you be with so many others

When you said you loved me

How can you describe the colors of the sunset

When you never could see

How can we still be “Friends”

When you broke my heart

And how can I still function

When I’m so torn apart

How can you drive me to cut

And bleed all over the floor

How can I take you back

And hurt more and more

How can you cry at my funeral

When you never knew me

How can you describe the colors of the sunset

When you never could see

Dreams Too Big

If I could wish

Upon a star

I’d grow wings

And fly to where you are

I’d bring food

To the starving kids

I’d tell the poor, the winning numbers

On the lottery bids

Id give the penguins

The ability to fly

Id wipe away your tears

And tell you not to cry

Id fix the hole in the Ozone layer

And make the murders banish

The killers, the slayer

Id make the world

A safer place

Where everyone

Had a smile on their face

But I cant because

I’m just a kid

A kid with dreams

Dreams, too big.

 

 

I SUCK SO MUCH I KNOW

leave me a comment

7:06PM -

So...what has been up with little old me?!?!?! Well quite a lot of things actually. I came out to my family, and a lot of my friends. Yes everyone knows that i am bi-sexual now, and everyone seems to be fine with it...well there are certain homophob friends that i couldnt tell, but i find myself happier, that i have the ability to be myself and know that i wont be prosecuted for it...you know what i mean? None of my friends have acted any differently about me....:D which makes me really happy lol because im not any different i am still the same person, i just admit to liking girls and guys...i dont really like that girl at school i used to like though, i find her..umm i dont know how to describe it...not my type maybe. haha my friend told me that if she wasnt going out with her boyfriend she would probably ask me out. Great since I was thinking the exact same thing XD haha. But its bad to have a crush on your friend...so bad! but thats me..heh heh bad to the BONE! haha im in a weird mood right now, think im going to cut later, because alie did, and she did it deep. The saying still stands, A cut on Your body is a cut on Mine. I DONT WORK TOMMOROW, OH MY FUCKING GOD I AM SO DAMN HAPPY EVEN IF THAT MEANS I ALSO DONT GET PAID, HELL YES I DONT WORK, THERE IS NO WORK FOR ME NOTHING AND YOU KNOW WHY CUZ I DONT HAVE TO DO IT . AND THAT FUCKING ROCKS MY FUCKING SOCKS. .......anyways i better calm down before i give myeslf a hernia or something.....:D Wow am i happy.......it will fade! i am starving and my mom is trying to make me do house work and im soooooo lazy T_T i dont wanna *lip quivers* heh i am pathetic and i will admit to it! Meh. I have a lot of hm w but i have already done it! cuz i am so good like that. FEAR MY GOODNESS!!!!!!!!! great, good, awesome, yeah... Heh I've noticed that .......oh hell i dont know what.......WELCOME TO THE JUNGLE BY ACDC!!! I havent heard this song for ever...heh. i need to get some pink floyd too.....ACDC, Pink Floyd, some more Metallica, and some cool shit like that. Alie let me borrow her cds and burn them on to my computer because she fucking rocks like that <3. Heh I went to homecoming........And it was great! I danced with Alie and hunter, and lauren, and elisabeth! my sister didnt have much fun though....which is sad........aint it? But she wouldnt do all that much with me.....and she didnt really get along with my friends....i tried to get her some people to hang with but she was stubborn and insisted on hanging with me, and when i tried to drag her out to the dance floor she freaked out. Anyways im kinda tired and im STARVING, so im gunna go get something to eat.
<3 miranda.

4:12PM

You are pansexual.


What is your sexual orientation?
brought to you by Quizilla


hehe dont i feel special.

9:04AM - Just some quizzes I took

You are an assassin.
That means you are a proffessional and do your
job without mixing any emotions in it. In your
life you have probably been hurt many times and
have gotten some mental scars. This results in
you being distant from people. Though many
think that you are evil, you are not. What you
really are is a person, trying to forget your
pain and past. You are the person who never
seems to care and that is why being an assassin
fits you good. Atleast, that's what people
think. Even if you don't care that much for
your victims, you still have the ability to
care and to generally feel. It is not lost,
just a little forgotten. In crowds you tend to
not get to noticed, and dress in black or other
discrete colours. You don't being in the
spotlight and wish people would just leave you
alone. But once you do get close to someone you
have a hard time letting go and get real down
if you loose him/her.

Main weapon: Sniper
Quote: "The walls we build around
us to keep out the sadness also keep out the
joy" -Jim Rohn
Facial expression: Narrowed eyes


What Type of Killer Are You? [cool pictures]
brought to you by Quizilla

How you really say "I love you." by lenatheraven
Name
...believe in true love?	yesnoI wish I didI wish I didn'tmost definitelynot until someone proved it to me
Your hands say	I'm always here even if you have to reach for me.
Your eyes say	You're amazing.
Your hugs say	I promise I will try to keep you safe.
Your kisses say	You mean the world to me.
Your body says	I want to wake up beside you.
Your heart says	Ich liebe dich.
Quiz created with MemeGen!

What is your Inner Fantasy Character? by DigiFaith
Name:
Class:	Sorceror/Sorceress
Primary Element:	Electric
Secondary Element:	Sky
Ability/Weapon:	Sword
Companion:	Faerie
Quiz created with MemeGen!

How will you be as a fantasy character? by Luineannunwen
Name
Age
Evil/good	Neutral
Weapon	Dagger and bow and arrow
Clothes	"elvish clothes"
Hear colour	Gold
Eye colour	Black
Magic	You have but you don't want to use it
Name	Kâreukan
Quiz created with MemeGen!

what type of fantasy RPG/anime character are you? by eionicle
your name
your general weapon	a dagger, quick and deadly, not to mention annoying
your quest	save the world
best relations with	the strong but gentle behemoth
a funny/embarrasing moment	you made a fool out of yourself in front of your love interest
a sad moment	you were betrayed by one in your party
Quiz created with MemeGen!

What would you look like as a fantasy/anime character? by mayuka
name
hair color	brown and purple
hair style	straight to your back
bangs	whispy and to the sides
eyes	one blue and one green
clothes	a bikini top and a grass skirt
shoes	high heels
weapon	sai
pet	a gerbil
accesories	15 earrings
attitude	neutral
your age	320
Quiz created with MemeGen!

What anime would most relate to your fantasy life? by Valgaav_Xellos
Username.
Name.
Word(s) to describe your fantasy life.
Anime:	Gravitation
Quiz created with MemeGen!

Your Life In The Fantasy World -girls- (Man I LOVE Fantasy ^_^) by infiniti
Name
Species	Reeper
Looks Like	Neck length-purple hair, distant gray eyes
Acts	Sad,far away
Lives	on the road,always traveling
Quiz created with MemeGen!

</form

4:32PM

You scored as Suicide. Your death will be suicide. What more can I say? Fact: Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. If you want to know hwo you will commit suicide, take a look at your second highest percentage on the bar graphs.

How Will You Die??
created with QuizFarm.com</table>

You scored as Nice. Your nice. Please rate my quiz! </td> Nice 88% Shy 75% Outgoing 56% mean 25% Immature 19% Fun 13% Dramatic 0% what kind of person are you? (shy,outgoing,fun,mean,immature,dramatic or nice?) created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as Goth. Your A Goth! </td> Goth 100% Rocker, Mosher 50% Emo 40% Skater 30% Prepy 20% Chav, Townie, Rude Boy, Ned, Kev 20% Trendy 0% What Group Are You? Chav, Rocker, Skater, Emo, Goth, Trendy, Prepy E.c.t created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as Keitaro. You are prone to acciedents. Get bad grades but you are a very nice person. </td> Keitaro 100% Kitsune 60% Naru 55% Shinobu 55% Motoko 45% Su 40% Which Love Hina Character are you? created with QuizFarm.com

4:19PM - its raining and its fucking cold..thats all

LOOKA MY PET!!

4:19PM - To be or not to be..XD

Hahah i feel like such a fucking tard. Okay here are some stupid things I've done this week....:

I asked the foregin exchange student, (from germany) if she spoke german....X_X

2.  My pants were far too low and I was wearing my "gold memeber" Underwear ( as my brother calls them) and so when i stood up my pants like fell down to my ass and i flashed the girl behind me my underwear...:S

3) I asked my teacher if my one page and a half paper fit the one page requirement.

............and i cant even remember the rest...hahah im so slow.

anyways!
Today im either going to the battle of the bands, or to the movies to see the exorcisim of emily rose.  hanging out with Alie and Ro!!! woot and maybe Hayden (hunter) :D that would be fun!!!!

Anyways i'll tell you what i did when i do it lol

L8r,
miranda

p,.s i need a boyfriend..
dammit

p.p.s my moms having a baby...
AWWWWWWWWW
except for the fact that i loathe her boyfriend and hope he dies..
hugs,
miranda

 

poem:

Hurt

I hurt inside

When I’m with you

I hurt all over

But I don’t know what to do

You tell me you love me

Then take it back

And inwardly I’m beaten

Until my heart is bruised and black

I love you , I tell you

And you reply you do too

But yet when you turn away

I know this isn’t true

And so I let you go

And I’m left alone

My heart exposed

Ripped out of its beaten home,

I long for you

As the days pass by

And watch you with her

All I can do is cry

But I know we weren’t meant …for each other

I miss you…so very much

For my heart beats for no other.

I’m so abandoned, so alone

Left alone to fix, to return, by myself…

My beaten heart, to its broken home.

 

 

 

 

 

3:48PM - Today....................................wooot

Hey,

Today I did nothing, and i mean absolutely nothing. I kinda isolated myself from everyone. I felt sick and I feel okay now. :D lucky me eh. But my fucker of an arm still does hurt.,,,:( im bored and i have nothign to say and my mom is bitching at me to get off the com..............><;; so got to go............

what i did:

dl'ed music

surfed the web

babysat

ummmmmmm.

and thats it.

 

Toodles,

Miranda

Disturbed- down with the sickness drowning deep in my sea of loathing broken your servant i kneel (will you give in to me) it seems what's left of my human side is slowly changing in me (will you give in to me) looking at my own reflection when suddenly it changes violently it changes there is no turning back now you've woken up the demon in me get up, come on get down with the sickness open up your hate and let it flow in to me get up, come on get down with the sickness you mother get up, come on get down with the sickness you fucker get up, come on get down with the sickness madness is the gift that has been given to me i can see inside you the sickness is rising don't try to deny what you feel (will you give in to me) it seems that all that was good has died and is decaying me (will you give in to me) it seems you're having some trouble in dealing with these changes living with these changes the world is a scary place now that you've woken up the demon in me madness has now come over me

9:37PM - Happy?

Hey,

Not much happened today. I pretty much isolated myself from every one else. I found out (by purpose) that I no longer have any inclination to cut myself. I did it on my left shoulder up top, once, again, and the last time. In the same spot. So it was relatively deep. And you know what? I didn’t feel any different, and I didn’t feel like doing it any more. Another reason I did it was because I think Alie cut herself last night. I am getting sick of her cutting herself. I mean it does NOT help any more. and it doesn’t make your problems go away. This I learned the hard way. Anyways bigger news....My mom is pregnant....with Tommy's kid. She showed me the test, and it was positive. And she said that she's pretty sure that she is....>:( I hate her boyfriend, and I certainly don’t want one of my brothers or sisters, to be from him...but whatever. I'm just going to have to make sure that "it" stays away from Thomas and Taylor (Tommy’s kids) because they are bad luck...as is he. God another one for me to raise. Anyways what’s happened lately....

1) I went to the mall with Hunter and Alie and got myself another pair of mesh gloves, and bought Alie an Evanescence sweat band. Hung around with Hunter in the arcades, and he pawned at the Resident Evil game. I lost like on the second level...XP. that’s me for ya. And I waited until he was done, and then he and I went to Walden’s books (where Alie had went without us, ( i don’t think she cares for the arcade) and then we dragged Hunter into Victoria's secret, and sprayed perfume on him. So half of him smelled like Axe, and the other half smelled like Vanilla XD. And then we went to Claries and I was joking around with him about whether or not he was dissing my style ( i was showing him these handcuff earrings and he was like: you paid FIVE dollars for them?) and then after talking some more Alie slapped him. I was thinking: omg , and i felt so bad for him....:( I mean that was a really mean thing to do. And then after that he bought her some cinnamon sticks, and he got the Pagan cd i think...hehe i was too busy checking out the anime stuff. And then on the way home the sun was in alie's face and he put down the car thingy to keep it out. which was so sweet. :) I would have been pissed off at my gf/bf had they slapped me....like so mad, and so hurt, but that’s hunter for you. he’s really nice lol

2) Alie and I got pizza, returned a videogame of hers, and played with the kittens at Happy Pet Supply. Then we went back to her house (hunter had gone home for dinner) and she called hunter to see whether or not he was coming back over. But Rob suddenly showed up out of the blue to tune his base, (that’s the right spelling right?) and so he hung out with him for a little while and i talked to him ( rob ) on msn. He’s hilarious lol, and he plays guitar really well. And then Alie bitched at hunter some , and told him to tell rob to go home so he could come over. and apparently he did because later on rob signed onto his computer and i talked to him on mic and such while hunter and alie where hanging out on the bed. I just don’t see why they are together sometimes. Alie expects a lot out of hunter, and doesnt treat him all that well. I mean she slaps him, tells him to MAKE his friends go home, and such. Alie is nice lol she just has a wee temper . I mean don’t get me wrong she is my best friend but she does get out of line sometimes. Anyways that was yesterday. Today I just ignored everyone, didn’t feel like hanging out with any one. And Damien (this guy who told me he loves me but was going out with this girl who left him for another guy) agreed to my proposition. Which was. I think we should just be friends because you have too much going on. And it kind of hurt my feelings but bleh. And I talked to Ryan and I told him that i might go to his military ball. I would if i were prettier, i still don’t think im all that pretty...*sigh* I could cry about that....What did i do............

I helped my mom pick green beans lmfao. Out of our garden, Dl'ed some new music by Disturbed, Manson, Scars of Life. Hawthorne Heights...and I’m trying to check out the internet and try to find some other bands that i might like. I found a bunch that i like but i don’t just want lyrics, i want quality music too. like more guitar, and base, and i don’t know MUSIC! so yeah yeah yeah, not much to say. I HAVE TO PEE!

*runs off to pee*

yup.

l8r,

Miranda

 

 

btw.........I’m considering dying my hair black and getting some layers maybe .

Mudvayne-Happy?

I feel it in me
So overwhelmed
Oh, this pressured center rising
My life overturned
Unfair the despair
All these scars keep ripping open

Peel me from the skin
Tear me from the rind
Does it make you happy now?

Tear meat from the bone
Tear me from myself
Are you feeling happy now?

(another part)

Does it make you happy?
Are you feeling happy?
Are you fucking happy?
Now that I'm lost left with nothing

Does it make you happy?
Are you feeling happy?
Are you fucking happy?
Now that I'm lost left with nothing?

5:18PM - *sighs*

Hey,

Yet once again I am getting the insane urge to cut. I have no idea why, but I just cant seem to control it any more. Something or someone has broken me, and I just don't have the energy or the will to fix myself again. I'm so stitched together, so scarred that I dont even think it is worth the effort any more...I dont think I am worth the effort. Then again I never really though I was. I saw that guy friend today, he said hi to me, and when I said hey back my voice was so sad, I just....i dont know...Alie is over at Hunters house right now and apparently is getting depressed because Alesha was talking to Hunter at school, and standing next to her and such , and Alie has the illusion that only Alesha can make Hunter happy which is bullshit. I think that if Alie made a true effort to be NICER, and didnt try to make hunter spend all his time with her than their relationship would be a million times better. ( i heard she got mad at him because he wanted to spend some time with his friends...) But then again that's not something I'm going to say because its none of my business wether or not their relationship works out , you know what I mean? I think that I am going to get a hair cut...my hair is far to long and I need to change something about myself. I caught myself earlier...running my index finger over my worst scar, feeling the upraised soft skin only made me want to cut even more. Nothing interesting really happened today....nothing worth mentioning. It's Friday, I'm out of school, and I'm looking forward to a lonley weekend..yes. nothing worth mentioning. Alie did move though, closer to me, farer away from Ro. But it is at least fifteen blocks away from me. Which means that I'd have to ride my bike out there, which isnt all that bad. I feel the same way i felt yesterday , mellow, uncaring, blank,just nothing. i dont feel anything...and at times that hurts more than everything.

*****Suicide Note*****

I wrote you a little letter

i carved it into my skin

i used a knife and

with dear mom , i did begin

dear mom , i love you , is what i said

but i cant stand to hurt any more, i have to die

i have to be dead,

dead to all the pain,and all the lies.

Dead to your scornful looks, and dead to the family ties

i want to sever everything, and where do i begin

i suppose ive answered my own question i think

as i glide the blade over my skin

my blood spurts, out from the gaping crevice

and i laugh wryly, and hold in my huge grimace

It hurts a little bit mom, i mouth to the silent air

but i doubt you can hear me,

where are you?. i know you dont care.....

the life slowly flows out of me, and with my dying glimpse i see you

standing in the doorway, your face in your hands, the scent of my blood in the air

so you were there , my dying mind seems to grasp.

just not, not there, when i needed you.

never there, me alone, without you.

and so i die alone, a lonley number of one, was there ever a two?...

 

The end needs work, but i couldnt care less....

9:22PM

You Are 24 Years Old

24 Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe. 13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world. 20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences. 30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more! 40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

What the fuck....hahaha im so freaking mature....
and i hate it..:(
FUCK MY STUPID PAST.
it fucked me up...
and the above results show it

You Are 50% Weird

Normal enough to know that you're weird... But too damn weird to do anything about it!

Your Outrageous Name Is

Jenna Talia

WTF?!?!?!?!? It's offical...im scarred for life....

In a Past Life...

You Were: A Banished Fortune Teller. Where You Lived: Romania. How You Died: Natural causes.

aww hell yes, beat that!!!!!

Your Daddy Is Ozzy Osbourne

What You Call Him: Papito Why You Love Him: He takes you to church

FUCK YES!!!!!!!

You are pure, moral, and adaptable. You tend to blend into your surroundings. Shy on the outside, you're outspoken to your friends. You believe that you live a virtuous life... And you tend to judge others with a harsh eye. As a result, people tend to crave your approval.

HAHAHA



Thats all for now folks lol



:D

OH OH AND:

THANKS TO ALIE THE BEST FRIEND IN THE WORLD, WHO MADE ME FEEL SO MUCH BETTER!!!!
MY SISTER ,I LOVE YOU FOREVER !!!!

THANKS TO ALIE THE BEST FRIEND IN THE WORLD, WHO MADE ME FEEL SO MUCH BETTER!!!!
MY SISTER ,I LOVE YOU FOREVER !!!!

THANKS TO ALIE THE BEST FRIEND IN THE WORLD, WHO MADE ME FEEL SO MUCH BETTER!!!!
MY SISTER ,I LOVE YOU FOREVER !!!!

3:39PM - Unhappiness, and Crimson Tears

Hey,
Been a while since I updated but yeah I decided to just go and do it now. So high school started. Mhm yup it sure did. And it was okay, I haven’t got lost once, and there are a lot of hot guys and such. I know I don’t sound very enthusiastic about it right now but that’s because I’m depressed. And I think its because this guy I like/liked , likes another girl, (he told me he does) and then he mentioned how this other guy I like , stares at him in Algebra so he thinks he’s gay. GREAT! Chop that guy off my list too….haha. All the guys I like already have somebody ..: ( But I guess that is just my luck. All I have is Geometry homework ..and a German quiz to study for…I’m sooo lucky I know. Eh but its okay I think the only reason I was a little upset about that guy liking the other chick was because I used to love him. I know I don’t like him half , or even a third of how much I used to like him before. I guess there is just a part of you that always loves someone you know what I mean? On to another subject…Alie’s boyfriend Hunter, really hurt my feelings a couple of days ago so I’m kind of still mad at him. { like he cares lol } Like anyone does… Ignore me I’m being all depressed like lol. I stopped cutting, haven’t cut in about a week or two….maybe three! But right now I feel like cutting myself so bad………I just want to cry or cut…and id definitely rather cut, because god I’m so tired of crying. It hurts so bad sometimes, inside and its hard to hide from people. I just don’t want to push my problems on everyone else., and I’m just so fucking unhappy. But Rochelle has helped me feel better, J without her knowing it of course lol. She’s good to be around. Eh hell I have nothing else to say….maybe I’ll just go do something to get my mind off of it….I’m stronger than my addiction…I just have to prove it .^^
Miranda

10:57PM - poems..

just some poems i wrote today....

 

 

Fragmented Existence

 

I wish

I could

Hide

My face

From you

From everyone

Erase it

All

Like

Some sort

Of bad

Dream

Purge

My reality

And wipe

The bitter

Slate, clean

People think

I’m some

Sort of

Story

And nothing

That

Horrid

Could ever

Dare to

EXIST

And yet

I do

I exist

In this

FRAGMENTED

Place

A cutter

Who not

Only

Has

To hide

Her face

But her

Arms and legs

Too

My fault

They say

I should’ve

Stayed strong

But I was

NEVER

Strong

All along

No one

You say

Can harm

You

As much

As you

Harm yourself

And yet

That doesn’t

Mean they

Cant

Try

Now does

It?

 

 

 

Life

I am a cutter

Bruised and broken

I am a bloody ring

A murderer’s token

I am a prisoner

On death row

I am the answer

To the question

You never know

I am the star

So high, you can

Never touch

I am the person

Who made you cry

So much

I am the voice

That sung you to sleep

At night

I am the rooster

Who awakened you

To the first light

I am your anger,

Your misery,

Your strife.

I am

Life

2:40PM - Holy hell! Hell is holy!

Holy crap,

Okie Dokie people. I had my first meeting with the shrink today . {or the lady whose going to set me up with the shrink.} Her name is Jen and she’s actually pretty cool ! Mainly we just talked to each other, and I answered some questions she asked me. It’s really odd usually after meeting with her I feel strangely happier…it must be….feh I dunno. Anyways she read some of my poetry. The taste and the one I wrote for Bailey. {My friend from Utah I met through Kyle.} She said that they are really good. And you know how I love it when people compliment me on my poetry ^_^. Nywayz the whatever she calls it plan is .

1) stop self-harm

2) develop self -esteem

3) More coping skills

Doesn’t sound like much does it?!?!?!? But if it makes me better {which I hope it does} then I’m pretty much up for anything you know ^_^_^_^_^_^_^. Very oddly happy right now. I’m hoping I don’t crash later , like I usually do. My friend Alie is also stopping her SI. Which makes me really , really happy ^_^. I don’t like the thought of people cutting themselves. Kyle went back to school today….I could cry…I will. Heh. He’s a really good friend of mine, and a total sweet heart. *hugs Kyle* (even though he won’t admit it) But I have to be careful to not let myself fall in love love with him….because he lives so far away, and I’d hurt so much knowing I couldn’t be with him. He makes me feel really good about myself ^^. Except for when he’s bitchy….><;;. Then again we all get bitchy some times eh? Hehe. Especially me. Anyways my friend Christina has gotten more into the cutting I think…and that really worries me. I don’t want her to hurt herself more than usual. Wait I don’t want her to hurt herself at all…L . I don’t want any one to hurt themselves . J Because my friends RULE!!!!! “J J . I love all my friends. *hugs friends* heheh. Hmm oh yeah maybe I should do a little list of my friends…all whom I love and how I met them! Wooo yes!

1) Alie -I met her at the German Food Festival, and actually talked to her for the first time after that. She is sooo cool, and doesn’t give a fuck what people think about her . Something I really admire J

2) Christina- I met her like 8 years ago, she had moved across the street from me, and my sister, Shana, and I had gone over there to talk to her. She is a little loudmouthed and doesn’t know when to quiet the fuck down but she has a big heart and is always willing to do things for other people.

3) Megan- I met her during eight grade science class. I remember looking at her and thinking : PREP!!!. But there is certainly more to her than meets the eye. Megan also doesn’t care what people think about her, and is a very generous person. She likes helping other people and doesn’t like it when they hurt themselves. She always looks out for you and you know on harsh things she’s got your back!

4) Rochelle- Ah Rochelle ^_^. I met her during 8^th grade History and I think we instantly sort of clicked. She was talking about InuYasha and anime with some other kid and I of course recognized what they were talking about and intruded in their conversation hehe. And then after that we just talked and got to know each other better. Rochelle has a really big heart, and an awesome personality. She doesn’t like it when people hurt themselves, She’s true to herself and to other people, she doesn’t give unadulterated bullshit. She actually tells you what she thinks about you {same with Alie}. Oh yeah and that girl can DRAW! I mean damn she has talent. She’s a big sweetie ^^ and so fun to hang out with.

5) Ami- hahah Ami is so funny. I actually met her last year during her bus ride. I was being my usual weird self and talking to her, and freaking her out and then we just got along after that .^_^ Its really hard to explain hehe. Anyways Ami doesn’t give a FUCK what people think and is the most sarcastic person ever. She is so funny to be around its just….funny. She’s awesome!

6) Keyana- SHE IS THE BIGGEST , FUNNIEST, MOST PERVERTED PERSON IN THE WORLD. (besides me) and I met her oh ,….crap I cant remember when (she used to live next door to me) and I might have known her longer than Christina. She doesn’t give a crap what people think about her, has a great sense of humor, and is very understanding and openminded. WAY FUN TO HANG AROUND.

….okay I don’t feel like going into detail anymore…more later…just MY FRIENDS ROCK…period..

Brandon, Hunter, Tori, Megan, Ami, Keyana, Alie, Rochelle, Jen, AndI, Kyle, Danny, Damien, Tahaa,( cant spell haha) , Bailey, Christina, Mackenzie. Chrissy, Bethany, Jenna, Kris, Linna, Katie, Katherine, Miranda ( C) Leanne, ……and I think that’s all >< I have a bad memory! don’t hate me!!!!!!!

Love,

Miranda

 

 

My sister and I : http://img275.imageshack.us/my.php?image=aug168364dp.jpg { I have brown hair!}

6:44AM - heh

Well, well , well I decided not to buy Rochelle a new book yet. A) because im lazy and B) because i wanted to go to the arcade. BUT this week i will buy her one. Last night i had a complete breakdown. My mom told me that she was going to do an arm check and two nights ago i cut up BOTH, yes both my arms really bad. so i just....broke down. i was seriously thinking about killing myself....but i didnt. {obviously who do you think is writing this casper?!?!?!} Another thing, I've taken up the habit of wearing arm warmers, to hide the scars, and to hide the new cuts. I dont know though...something wierd is happening...i'm losing my satisfaction...when i say that i mean its N0T making me feel any better....at the last time i did it...I dont know...and then Kyle, {this guy I talk to online who lives in Kansas {and whom i have a little crush on ;)} makes me, make some sort of deal where if i cut myself, he cuts himself. and thats bullshit in my opinoin but i hate, hate, hate hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, the idea of someone hurting themselves over me. I'm most definitley not worth it. Did school registration...i have NO classess with Alie....how depressing. But the majority of my friends have the same lunch as i do....{but alie doesnt either :( }  We didnt even go through the whole school so most likely i'm going to get lost...heh, heh, heh. ive decided who gives a damn. ill find my way eventually. I did go to the mall with katie, and i did get odd looks all of which i returned. FUCK PEOPLE, they SUCK . but yeah.....they do. i have a general dislike for people until i get to know them....took my school ID ...FUCK SCHOOL ID'S THEY ALL LOOK LIKE SHIT. highschool is chalked full of preps...PREP CENTRAL. FUCK PREP CENTRAL....wow im in an odd mood....well before i start scaring myself { i already have}....oh yeah...my mom will be doing an arm check....and is still talking about sending me to TX....or the Psych ward.....Because she read this poem:

 

"Taste"

I tore it up today
should have listened
to what you said
i tore it up today
went on right ahead
i drug the knife all over
cant you see?
And watched the "Tears"
gush, and drip onto me
and ever so slowly
i brought it to my lips
and drank the sweet nectar
from the cuts, and the rips
now my arm looks like a quilt
sewn and patched together
gaping, wounds
with needle and thread they tether
im laying in a hospital bed
cold and unworried
and as you stare at me
i babble on hurried
"I love the taste"
you glimpse my blood stained teeth
you stare at me some more
and silently you seethe
a couple of days later
from the hospital im free
and yet again ignore you
and resume the task of destroying me

im .. fucked up....i know this.

5:18PM - School returns

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

this fucking sucks monkey. and when i say monkey i mean serious monkey balls. i hate, HATE , hate hate, h-a-t-e schoo. I have registration tommorow..{woo friggin hoo} Which will probably depress me. All I use to cut myself is knives know...i figured out how to get a picture on here...but...i dont want to scare anyone....you know what i mean ...so triggering. you've been warned bitches. {It will be seen at the end of the page} Anyways I am really bored and not much is going on . The majoirty of my friends have already done their school registration so yeah...heh. they are all comparing schedules and shit. i have a wish lish on hottopic! now all i have to do is come up with around $300 hehe. that would take me around...six weeks to save? i think. or it might take me a little longer because i have to buy school clothes and shit. oh and yeha i have to buy a new love hina {#13} for Rochelle because my dog got a hold of the other one. Zach's mom should be here any time now and im just waiting for her so I can get ready to go to the mall XP. i know me and the mall dont mix do we. And my sister is a complete prep so it should be interesting to see peoples looks when we're walking side by side. ;P haha but oh well. I'm sorta used to the stares by now. Some people have serious problems and cant control themselves or their eyes. ><;;; but i try not to let it bother me. Anyways im just sitting here staring outside waiting for Zach's mom and chanting hurry, hurry . ahaha. {Mentally of course I wouldnt want to seem like a complete ass hole ^^} Well anyways not much has been going on...got a little depressed last night and "tore it up" as paul says so delicately.  te-hehehe. I know im kinda oddly happy right now ...it should scare you. Hmm oh yeah supposedly im "grounded" from Christina and the next time she sees me shes going to slap me. PSHT I'd like to see her try. she can have fun with that because ive decided if she wants to hit me im going to hit her back.  Anwayz zach is screeching like a fucking flying monkey. I SWEAR IM GOING TO GO DEAF! .......woo deafness. Boy am I out of it...and bored too...nywho not much to say, not much to do , i think im going to say bye to you.

 

woo i rhyme.

<a href="http://imageshack.us"><img src="http://img5.imageshack.us/img5/4274/aug087476dg.jpg" border="0" width="320" alt="Image Hosted by ImageShack.us" /></a>

 

 

11:56PM - Hmm

Hey,

Not much happened today. Alie spent the night last night. {Yesterday we had the party} and it bombed. No one got along with each other and everyone hated each other. And I meanwhile just wanted to hang out with Hunter and Alie so I ignored everyone else. Well Hunter was supposed to come over to hang out with Alie and myself but he never showed up....I guess he was busy with his friends or something. Heh I dont get it but okay. I suppose we might have bothered him a bit much. I'm so tired. My brother was such a bitch yesterday and pissed , YES PISSED on megans pillow *snickers* and kept us awake until like five in the morning. So i got pissed and beat the living shit out of him. heh. heh. heh. AhAHAHAHAHAH nywho. Kyle is pissed off at me but I dont give a shit anymore. Hes too fucking moody and doesnt give a damn about anyone but himself. So yeah I'm over him. I need to find someone here but I highly doubt that I will because....HAVE YOU SEEN ME?!?!?!...lets just say its not a pretty site. heh. Havent cut myself in a while. Two days maybe. Heh. Which is a while for me. The longest I've went is 12 days. hehe. shocking . nywho im going to try and put some pics of me on here and see if you can see them.

 

 

<a href="http://imageshack.us"><img src="http://img45.imageshack.us/img45/3863/aug067398bf.jpg" border="0" width="320" alt="Image Hosted by ImageShack.us" /></a>

i have brown hair....

 

<a href="http://imageshack.us"><img src="http://img45.imageshack.us/img45/6517/aug067196gl.jpg" border="0" width="320" alt="Image Hosted by ImageShack.us" /></a>

*GAG*

<a href="http://imageshack.us"><img src="http://img32.imageshack.us/img32/6332/aug077454pq.jpg" border="0" width="320" alt="Image Hosted by ImageShack.us" /></a>

 

this just makes you want to hug me doesnt it? ahahhaha I LOVE YOU ALL {psht....only the cool people} lmfao

 

 

<a href="http://imageshack.us"><img src="http://img32.imageshack.us/img32/1897/aug077422zm.jpg" border="0" width="320" alt="Image Hosted by ImageShack.us" /></a>

 

god.....i wish IT would die.

 

 

<img src="http://images.quizilla.com/S/SwitchFootGurl/1122882262_zesSadness.jpg" border="0" alt="Sadness"><br>People see sadness in your eyes. You seem to be<br>hurt deeply. You may be unhappy because you are<br>alone or feel like no one cares about you. Or<br>it may be because something very awful has<br>happened to you. Whatever the cause, you go<br>through each day just waiting for night to come<br>with sweet relief in the form of your dreams.<br>But you may have even lost hope in your dreams.<br>Chin up. Things should get better for you and<br>there is always at least one person who cares<br>about you. Have hope.
<br><br><a href="http://quizilla.com/users/SwitchFootGurl/quizzes/What%20can%20people%20see%20in%20your%20eyes%3F(great%20ANIME%20pics)((IMPROVED!!!))/"> <font size="-1">What can people see in your eyes?(great ANIME pics)((IMPROVED!!!))</font></a><BR> <font size="-3">brought to you by <a href="http://quizilla.com">Quizilla</a></font>

10:03AM - Well, Well, Well

I met alie's boyfriend yesterday heh. He's pretty cool. But he did say i was ignorning him and erm...heh i dont talk that much to people i just met so i was pretty silent. And then again because of that one incident im not very comfy around guys heh. It takes me a while before i talk to people i havent known that long...oh yes. the bastard is holdign my marbles for ransom..he will pay! *evil laugh* Anywayz they look really cute together {Alie and Hunter} And he seems to really care about her. I think she cares about him more then she wants to admit. But sometimes its hard to tell people how you feel when you dont know how they will react. heh. but thats life. anwyways i dont have much to say...so l8r
miranda

4:35PM - summary of last night

the guy i really love told me that he doesnt care about me anymore and so i cracked. and did something ect ect. now im getting bitched out about it. tommorow is alie's birthday and tonight im spending the night with her and meeting her boyfriend. hunter. that should be interesting. { i hate meeting new people} but ill suck it up to meet him . heh. anywayz i got her a naughty kitty shirt heh cuz thats her nick name. any who im getting a lecture right now so i have to go
l8r
miranda

8:44PM - wow

I cut myself with a knife today and i have to say. holy shit it made me feel better. but then after that i remembered what my mom said : if i see another cut on your body your going to the psycho ward. so long sleeves for all. shit. and i did it when she wasnt home. well ill post a picture..i have to go clean off the knife.
mb
nah if you want to see one...email me...i dont trust this thing